A Series of Unfortunate Events: A Twist
by ThisIsMyTownAndIDefendMyShips
Summary: The tale of the Baudelaire children is not a happy one as you may know. It is a tragic and horrible story. The Baudelaires have no escape from the following events that I'm about to impart unto you and all who choose to read about the terrible things these children will endure. Join Max, Bree, Violet, Klaus and Sunny as they make it through Count Olaf's plots. AU with OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! :) This is my first attempt at ASOUE booklet. Now I have only viewed the Netflix series. I absolutely loved it and have based this off of it because I always wondered what would have happened if they had some more people actually looking out for them. Like a big brother and sister. Anyways, here we go.**

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The tale of the Baudelaire children is not a happy one as you may know. It is a tragic and horrible story. It affected all the children equally but very differently mind you. The Baudelaires have no escape from the following events that I'm about to impart unto you and all who choose to read about the terrible things these children will endure. The Baudelaires were all intelligent, pleasant and polite children with pleasing facial features and the worst luck in the world.

There are four siblings in this unhappy and unfortunate tale. The eldest, Max, is 16 years of age. Max had brown short hair that swished up towards his right. He had brown eyes and almost six feet tall. His past is not convenient one but not one that held him back or made him resentful of any of his family. If anything it made him more loving towards people. One in particular but more on that later. Max is not a full Baudelaire sibling. His father may have been the father of his three siblings but his mother was not. Max was not smart in litterateur or mechanics. He was street smart. A skill his parents found unnecessary. They were disappointed in him. This made him try all that much harder to please them but he never seemed to live up to his siblings. They always stood up for him however. For that he loved them with all his heart. He also cared for another. Even if it was undefined at the time.

The next eldest is Violet Baudelaire at age 12. Violet had long dark brown hair and bangs. She had sparkling blue eyes and was four foot seven. Violet was a planner. She was very meticulous and steady. Violet preferred to study and prepare for any occasion. She was fascinated with gadgetry and had the uncanny ability to build almost anything. When she tied her hair back it meant that the cogs and levers were going at full speed in her head. She would spend hours working on a project such as a grandfather clock that could also make toast or an automatic timer that also fed the fish.

The next Baudelaire was Klaus Baudelaire. Klaus also had short darker brown hair but his was partially wavy and he had his went down from his left to his right. He had darker brown eyes though his needed glasses but they made him look intelligent for that is what he was. He was an inch shorter than his sister at four foot six. At age 11 was the bookworm and the researcher of the family. He could have skipped three grades but decided to go against it and stay closer to his sister. He would often offer insight to Max and Violet on any of their projects they had problems on. Klaus often talked with his siblings, sharing his recent findings, collaborating and applying to any situation.

The youngest member of the family was Sunny Baudelaire. Sunny had a small amount of blonde hair that was tied up in a ponytail and blue eyes. Sunny Baudelaire was an infant in which case she only spoke in gibberish and shrieks that usually aren't understandable to the human ear but to Max, Violet and Klaus they were as much words as the words you are reading right now. What she lacked in mobility she made up for in the size and sharpness of her four teeth. She could chew her way through just about anything.

Now the events that happen affect these four siblings but they also affected one more child in the process. Now this child was not only affiliated with the Baudelaires but was entwined with them since before she was born. The girl was found with nothing but a blanket, a hair clip that had a diamond sea turtle pendant in the center and a first name. Bree.

The past of Bree is not a happy one but it does have a happy ending for the time being. Bree was pleasant to the eye same as the Baudelaires. She had light brown hair and dark brown eyes as well. She is now 16, same as Max, but is only five foot three. She has the voice of what we believe is an angel and her heart was of the same, figuratively speaking but that didn't stop Bree from being orphaned at birth. The poor girl was bounced so many times she almost gave up on finding anyone at the age of five. Like the Baudelaires she was intelligent but not in books and machines. Young Bree was musical gifted. She was bounced around till her age of nine. At that time she taken in by the Baudelaire's. At that time they were falsely told that they were unable to have children so they wanted to make up for their disappointment. Bree took care of the house and the other children Violet, Sunny and Klaus and in turn was taken care of by Max who always made sure she had enough of everything but that didn't help the fact that she was almost too skinny for her size and age. Somehow though she never seemed to lose that kindness in her heart.

She and the all Baudelaire children lived together like a family. They cared for each other and looked after each other. Violet, Klaus and Sunny considered her as one would consider a very close sibling however Max considered her as one might consider someone they thought as someone you would have even deeper feelings for in which you would like to peruse those feelings further but do not know how to go about in doing so. Bree in turn had the same feelings as Max did. So instead of her last name being Baudelaire, Max decided to call her Bree Porter. A name which he found to have a certain ring to it if you will.

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One day the Baudelaires and Ms. Porter were asked to go take the rickety old trolley to the sea shore. It was unlike their parents to send them away the way they had but they did as their parents had told them. While Violet and Max worked on their invention and Sunny chewed on rocks, Klaus was content on continuing to teach Bree how to read. While she spoke it quite well she couldn't understand it in its written form for in her first nine years of life she was not educated in reading, writing and comprehension. Klaus had taken it upon himself to teach her. He had her keep a diary to proceed in her studies.

"Max, at what angle would be best to skip the rock?" she asked as she tied her hair back.

"Judging by the waves, I would guess at about the height of say your waist," Max responded.

"Sunny do you have our skipping stone ready?" she asked her younger sister.

"Right here," she said in one of her bubbly laughs as she handed Violet the rock.

Violet aimed and threw the stone perfectly. Sending it as far away as possible. "Yes! It worked!" Violet cheered as she hugged on the beach blanket Bree looked up to watch the invention take it's proverbial flight. Klaus joined in after a minute. Even little Sunny stopped to watch the machine.

"Now let's test the invention," Max said as he reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a remote with a single button on top. He pushed it and out came a small little drone with three claw like arms and a propellor on the top of it. It zipped out over the water to where Violet had thrown the stone out onto the water. It sank down into the water and came back up with said stone and came back to them landing in the basket.

"It worked!" Max said as Violet jumped up in the air. Bree and Klaus clapped for their success.

The invention worked. It was terrific. This would be the time where you would assume that the Baudelaires and Miss Porter lived happily ever after. Please, if you wish to believe that then leave now and allow that to be what actually happened. For if you wish to continue then you will read nothing but sorrow and loss.

For those of you who chose to continue on here is what happened next.

As they celebrated Sunny spotted a man coming towards them although they couldn't see who it was due to the fog. "Hey, who's that?" she asked.

They turned to look at the man. As he walked closer to them he became clearer and Klaus recognized him. "It's Mr. Poe from the bank," he said.

"What is he doing here?" Bree asked. She never much cared for the bank or the people who worked there. She had never had a good experience with them. Max pulled her in closer towards him to ease her mind a bit. He knew what had happened the last time she was there but that was a story for another time. Violet, Klaus and Sunny didn't even know that story. Bree and Max pulled them closer to them.

Mr. Poe was an African American man who handled the Baudelaire's finances. He wore a grey suit and derby. With him, he carried a small briefcase. Mr. Poe unfortunately has a terrible cough that happened to come at the most unprecedented times

"Good day, Mr. Poe," Violet greeted.

"Indeed, good day Mr. Poe," Klaus concurred.

"How do you do Mr. Poe?" Max asked trying to be friendly. "Fine day is it not?"

"It is a fine day isn't it," he told them cheerily. "I have some bad news for you. Your parents have perished in a terrible fire."

The stone in Violet's hand dropped and fell to the ground with a loud thud that. Bree dropped down on one knee and pulled Klaus, whom she happened to already have, into a hug. Max followed closely taking in Violet and Sunny. Nobody could really say or do much of anything else.

"They perished in a terrible fire that destroyed your entire home. I'm very sorry to have to tell you this my dears," he said as he tried to comfort them but failing to do so. "Perished means killed."

"We know what perished means," Klaus said almost to the point of where he might have shed a tear. Bree rubbed his back gently letting him know she was there for him.

Mr. Poe took them to their burned down house. "I have never been through anything like this myself but I can imagine just how you feel. I thought you might want to see your place one more time before you have to leave for good. Although there may not be much left."

There was almost nothing left. Everything was pretty much ash. Klaus did however manage to find part of a spyglass. They all felt grief slowly trickle into their hearts.

"Now Baudelairs, I want you to know that you have absolutely nothing," he started.

"We have absolutely nothing," Violet cut him off.

"Absolutely nothing to worry about," he finished. "I am the executor of your parents estate. Which means I'll be handling everything your parents left behind."

"What did they leave behind?" Klaus asked.

"Financial security." Mr. Poe told them.

"Wait, what about Bree? " Violet asked.

"Pardon?" Mr. Poe asked.

"You said Baudelaires. What happens to Bree Porter?" Violet asked again.

"Ah yes, Ms. Porter, she is in here too. She is going to stay with you until she is 18," he said. "Now you have inherited an enormous fortune that will be unlocked when Violet comes of age."

"Wait, why Violet?" Bree asked. "Why not Max?"

"Max receives his fortune from his original mother at the age of twenty two," Mr. Poe told him.

"Twenty two?" Max asked almost furious. "How are we supposed to survive if I don't have any money to pay for thing?"

"That will be the purpose of your new guardian," Mr. Poe said. "Look, I promise you Baudelaires, nothing will happen to any of you."

The children looked at each other. They wanted to believe it but something felt wrong in the pits of their stomachs. "Where will we be staying tonight?" Bree asked.

"You will stay with me and my family for the night," Mr. Poe answered. "Come children we must get moving if we want to make it back in time for dinner."

The kids were loaded into his car again. Never again would they see their torched home. It was probably for the best however for the memories that were held close to their hearts would only make them cause them pain. For now they were safe and sound in Mr. Poe's care. But that doesn't mean that Danger didn't wait for them just over the horizon.

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 **Well what did you think. To continue on with this story I need your reviews and support. You have to let me know what you think lest this account will exit stage right. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

The Poe's house was small and quaint. It was a small tutor house made for the four of them, Mr. Poe, Mrs. Poe and their sons, Edgar and Albert. Suffice to say it was more crowded in there than usual. They all sat around the small table to eat. Edgar and Albert were fighting over whether the bird was a raven or a crow.

"It's a raven," persisted Edgar

"It's a crow," Albert fought.

"It's chicken," Mrs. Poe said as she almost dropped it on the table. "Boiled Chicken. And we have boiled potatoes and blanched string beans."

"What does blanched mean?" asked the eldest.

"It means boiled," Klaus answered.

"Nobody asked you," he said rather rudely.

"Now, now, son," Mr. Poe started.

"No, my darling Albert is right. Nobody asked the Baudelaires," Mrs. Poe interjected.

"Actually," Bree started before she wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Albert didn't specify who he was talking to. Had he said Mother or Father the question would've been limiting it to that person. Since however no one was specified, the floor was open to anyone. So he asked all of us including the Baudelaires and Porters," she stated. "Pass the chicken please."

Max smirked as he passed her the chicken, proud to have Bree on their side and Klaus was thankful to say the least for her defending him.

When they were finished, they retired to their room and bed. Yes bed. The Poes only had one spare bed. Thankfully it was a queen sized but the boys let the girls sleep on it that night while they slept on the floor. They were all lying awake feeling the dread they felt earlier wash over them. It felt as though they were under the waves feeling it move back and forth. No one really wanted to speak. Violet, Klaus and Sunny soon fell asleep but Bree and Max were still awake.

"Bree," Max whispered.

"Yeah?" she responded.

"I can't sleep. I'm tired but I feel like I have no reason to sleep," he said.

"I feel the same way," she said. "I need some air."

"Come on, Let's go take a walk," he suggested. They quietly left the room and headed outside making sure that they didn't disturb their siblings. The night was clear but nippy as they walked down the sidewalk, looking at the stars.

"This feels… peaceful," Max told her.

Bree sighed contently, "Yeah, it's calming."

"I don't know what we're going to do," he said.

"I don't either," she concurred. "Whatever we do we have to protect Violet, Klaus and Sunny."

"Absolutely," he agreed. He took a deep breath. They still felt like they were underwater but they could see a dim light above. They stopped at a park bench to sit down.

"Do you remember that time when you and Ben Tucker built that tree house in the backyard?"

"Yes, what about it?" he asked.

"After it was all finish you told me that this place would always protect me and so would you. You've always kept that promise but now it's time you share the load with me to keep Violet, Klaus and Sunny safe. Remember what your dad always said," she took his hand in her's and gave it a small squeeze, "We're stronger together."

Max held on to her hand for what was probably a bit too long. He couldn't have helped it though, for when you care about someone in a particular way you tend to hold on to that person not wanting to let go. I myself know that feeling all to very well. They looked into each other's eyes. Bree looked away as she let go of his hand. "I, uh, We should probably head back right?"

"Yeah, Yeah, Absolutely," Max agreed trying to ease the awkwardness of it all. They headed back to the Poe's house and quickly went to bed both falling asleep quickly.

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When I looked into the brothers Poe years later I found that one followed his father and the other lives in a cave talking to sheep. Each one thinking the other had it better. The Baudelaire's fate however, was much worse.

The next morning they were awakened by the loud sounds of the Poe family clanging around trying to get ready. Already dressed they got up and headed down the stairs.

"Chop-Chop, Baudelaires, Now that I've found you a suitable guardian, I'm going to take you to your new home before banking hours begin," Mr. Poe said rushing them out the door and into the car. "I know you must be nervous about living with your guardian. I remember how I was at your age."

"But we're all different ages," Klaus said.

"Mr. Poe, you told us you've never had a close family member die before," Bree told him.

"So I did. You have a wonderful memory Miss Porter," he said to her.

Bree leaned against Max's shoulder so she would be able to converse more confidentially than not. Max found this enduring so he put his arm around her. "Did he really just say that?" she whispered.

"Unless we're both deaf," he whispered. "I'm not the only one who thinks this guy's a nut right?

"Either that or he somehow hit his head on something and inexplicably managed to only retain half of his brain," Bree joked back as they both gave off a tiny laugh.

"So who is our new guardian?" Max asked Mr. Poe.

"Well, I know he's certainly very eager to meet you. And he's employed as an actor, so you know his excitement is genuine," Mr. Poe said. The children all shot each other looks of concern confusion.

"Oh yeah he's definitely nuts," Max whispered.

"His name is Count Olaf," he told of him.

"Never heard of him," Violet told him.

"He's either Let's see. What is it?" he pondered. "Your third cousin fourth time removed, or your fourth cousin three times removed. In any case, he's removed. Still, he's only three miles away, and your parents' will was very specific about your being raised by your closest living relative."

"Does he really think that's what 'closest living relative means?" Klaus asked.

"Honestly Klaus, I have no idea what this guy thinks or even if he does half the time," Bree told him. That's why this drop off is going to be a bit hasty. Hasty means quickly."

"Mr. Poe we're children. Not idiots," Max told him.

Mr. Poe finally parked the car in front of what appeared to be a perfect tutor house. "Well, maybe this won't be so bad," Bree said optimistically.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys! I know it has been forever but when I saw the trailer for season two I thought, 'Heck to it all, I'm writing this thing whether anyone likes it or not.' The trailers are so good! Gah! I'm dying from the waiting. Well without further adieu, Chapter 3!**

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The little tutor home was exactly the same as every house in the neighborhood. They all had light blue walls and white sidings and railings. The houses were surrounded by pink cherry blossom trees and white picket fences. It resembled what a perfect home would look like. Safe and happy.

"Hello there! Salutations! Shalom! You must be the Baudelaire children!" a lady said. She was older than their parents had been. She looked like a judge with her white wig and black judge's robe. The woman was also carrying a couple of grocery bags with her.

"Yes, I'm Violet Baudelaire, and these are my brothers, Max and Klaus, and these are my sisters, Bree and Sunny. And this is Mr. Poe. He's been arranging things for us," Violet introduced them.

"Mulctuary Money Management. My name and title are on the card.  
Although I may be in line for a promotion, so that might change," Mr. Poe told her.

"Oh, well, I am Justice Strauss of the High Court. Forgive my not shaking hands, but as you can see, I am a mountain of parcels," she justified. "I just bought a new toolkit because my food processor broke. Although I don't know who I think I'm kidding, because I have no inventive or mechanical skill whatsoever."

Violet's eyes lit up upon hearing that.

"Then I treated myself to new file cards for my private library, and frankly I don't have an acute literary sense," she continued this time Klaus's eyes ignited.

"And then, to top it all off, I forgot to buy a new bread knife. It means I have no possible way of cutting up this baguette into bite-sized pieces, which is really unfortunate because I was gonna take the bread that was cut up with a white bean hummus," she continued as Sunny cooed.

"We'd be more than happy to be of assistance, Justice Strauss," Violet said.

"My sister is very mechanically minded, and I'm quite adept at library science," Klaus said.

"Dijbo deh," Sunny babbled.

"What my sister means is her teeth are perfect for slicing bread," Violet told her.

"And we would be more than happy to help you with anything else you would like assistance with," Max told her on behalf of him and Bree.

"Oh, Well, how wonderful! How lucky am I to have such unusual children in my life?" she fawned.

"Are you Count Olaf's wife?" Violet asked.

" What? Oh! Oh, no! No. No," she said as if they were crazy. "Goodness me, no. No, I don't even really know him that well. He's he's just my neighbor. His house is over there." She pointed to the house across the street.

Birds cawed and the mood changed drastically. The dream had suddenly shifted into a nightmare waiting for them with expectant arms as they walked across the street towards the broken down mansion.

Bree could see the outline of a man looking at them through the highest window. She already didn't like him but that didn't mean she wouldn't give him a chance to change her mind.

Mr. Poe rang the doorbell which played an odd melody. It wasn't creepy just not comforting.

"That's strange," Mr. Poe said. "He said specifically he was waiting very eagerly to get his hands on you," he tried the doorbell again.

"What did he mean, get his hands _on_ us?" Max asked.

His question would've been answered had it not been for the door opening. There in front of them was an odd looking man with a less than desirable amount of white that stuck out everywhere. His eyes were deceptive and concerning under what barely passed as his two shifty eyebrows. His smile was crooked but wasn't enough for Mr. Poe to notice, not that anything was.

He wore a slightly worn suit and small scarf which were both in far better condition than the house had probably been in years. The only odd instead of creepy thing about this man was the tattoo he had on his ankle of an eye.

"Hello, hello, hello, children," he welcomed. The group shared a concerned look with each other for obvious reasons. "I am Count Olaf, the renowned actor and your new guardian." Bree gave him a polite nod but that was about all he got plus someone's cough. "You're welcome."

"Thank you," they all said in unison.

"You're welcome," he repeated. "Please, come in, and mind you wipe your feet on the mat so you don't track in any mud. And don't forget your enormous fortune! Welcome to my humble home, orphans and a man with a hat on..."

"Poe," he introduced himself.

"Actually, I'm about to be rather wealthy," Count Olaf told him trying to shoo him out. "So if you'll excuse me."

"No, we spoke on the phone," Poe said not taking the hint. "I'm from Mulctuary Money Management."

"Hmm," he pondered. "Money, sounds familiar, but the bank..."

"I'm from the bank," Mr. Poe gave.

"Ah, yes, the bank," Olaf realized. Max was concerned by his lack of memory but then again that could be used to their advantage. "Well, welcome to my humble home."

"It does seem to need a little work," Mr. Poe started coughing like crazy again.

"I really think he really needs to see a doctor about that," Bree whispered to Max. He nodded as Mr. Poe's cough started to die down.

"Well, I realize it's not as fancy as the Baudelaire mansion, but perhaps, children, with a bit of your money, we'll be able to fix it up, make it nicer," he proposed.

"Count Olaf, the Baudelaire fortune is not to be used for such matters," Mr. Poe said. "The Baudelaire will is very specific as to how the children are to be raised in case of an unfortunate event."

"Ah, yes, the fire," Olaf recollected.

"They're to be raised by their closest relative," he continued.

"That is I, Count Olaf," he proclaimed.

"And every cent of the Baudelaires fortune is locked up until Max and Violet comes of age,"

"Which ones are they?" he asked.

"I'm Max," he introduced himself. "This is Bree," he showed them as he went along, "Violet, Klaus, and Sunny."

"All right, then," he growled slightly. Probably due to the fact that he really didn't want to wait that long for Violet to grow up. "Well, I hope I can prove myself to be the father you never had."

"We had a father," Klaus said.

"Yes, I know. And a mother. Remarkable woman. Flammable," he said.

"Isn't everybody?" Violet asked.

Count Olaf gave a slight chuckle but not one of glee or amusement but more of an evil plotting one that sends a slight shiver down your spine. Poe however did not notice. "So, Poe, do I need to sign for them or something?"

"What? No. No," he answered.

"Well, then, as we say in the theater, exit stage right," he said showing him the door.

"Goodbye, Violet, goodbye, Klaus, goodbye, Sunny. I hope you'll be happy here," he said while being pretty much shoved out the door. "I'll still check in on you occasionally. If you need anything or have questions, you can reach me at the bank."

He couldn't finish due to the door slamming behind him by Count Olaf. He turned to the children. "Well, children, before I give you a tour of your new home, aren't you going to say "How do you do?" to your new guardian?"

"How do you do?" They all asked in unison. Bree gave a small curtsy while still holding Sunny.

"Thank you for taking us is sir," she started trying to be polite. "I know it must be a slight burden for you but we will certainly do our part around the house."

For a moment, a shred of gentleness creeped into his eyes but was quickly gone that second later. "Do you know what this is?" he asked them slightly demeaning.

"It looks like a list," Klause answered.

"Wrong!" he almost yelled. "It's a list. A list of chores. Rich brats like you probably never worked a day in your life."

"Actually I was the maid," Bree said a bit timidly.

"Yeah," Max said. "We would often help her around the house."

"Oh Really?" He started mockingly, "Did you help around the house? Well, welcome to your lucky life orphans!"

The Baudelaires looked at one another. This was not going to be a smooth ride.

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 **Next chapter will be up sooner than last time. Promise. Let me know what you think in the review section.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! So I recently binge watched all of the new season 2 which I both hated and loved. I also recently got 2 new reviews and 2 new followers (Thank you guys by the way. You guys make my day) and that is what pushed me to write another chapter. I hope you guys like it. I have already started working on the next chapter. Now without further Adue, here is Chapter 4.**

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The old broken-down Victorian mansion felt a whole lot bigger after having cleaned it all with a toothbrush. The children Violet, Klaus and Sunny slumped on the small twin bed while Bree and Max slumped against the walls and floor of their atrocious new room.

"I never wanna use a toothbrush again," Klaus said.

"Max I think it's time we started looking for jobs," Bree said "We could make some money and possibly get a few nice things like maybe another bed."

"I could check the junk yard. See if there's anything there that could be worth salvaging," he offered.

"Perfect," she said. "Does anyone know if Count Olaf gets the paper?"

"Can't say that I do," Klaus said.

"Nor I," Violet said.

"Vo te," Sunny burbled.

Bree looked to Violet, "She doesn't either," she translated.

Bree sighed. "Well, we'll find out tomorrow."

The door opened loud and swiftly as Count Olaf burst into the room. Everyone scampered up from where they were standing into attention. "Why aren't you cleaning? My list was very specific."

"We finished it," Klaus told him tiredly.

He looked over it doubting that they had, "No you didn't."

"We even washed your underwear," Klaus told him a bit disgusted.

"You missed one," he told them. "You still have to prepare a large meal for me and my theater troupe."

"We've never done that before," Max told him not unkindly.

He rolled eyes, "Plan the meal, purchase the ingredients, Prepare the food, Set the table, Serve the food, Clean up afterwards and Stay out of our way."

"How can we purchase anything? We don't have any money," Violet told him.

He groaned and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small brown bag and tossed it to Bree. "Do you know what this is?"

"Something greasy," Violet answered.

"Money. Hard-earned money. The most important substance on earth besides applause and lip balm," he told them. "Since the bossy banker won't let us use any of your parents' enormous fortune, I am now forced to cough up my own earnings from theatrical performances and the occasional bit of consulting work. Now quick. Get a move on. The troupe will be here at 7:00. And in the meantime, I will be up in Can you guess?

"Your secret tower room?" Klaus guessed.

"Wrong! My secret tower room," he told them. "Which you are forbidden to go in. Understand? Forbidden," he emphasized.

"Forbidden," Violet repeated almosted annoyed.

"That! Yes!" Count Olaf said as he slammed the door behind him.

They all let out a sigh of exhaustion. "How are we supposed to prepare a meal for an entire theater troop?" Klaus asked concerned.

"Well, We start by picking out what we're going to make," Bree told him. "Although I doubt Count Olaf has many cooking books around here if even any at all."

"We could try Justice Strauss," Max suggested. "To be honest though, I just want to get out of this house."

"It's so dark and dismal here," Violet said. "I wish we lived Justice Strauss instead of Count Olaf."

"It would be so much nicer," Klaus said. "And she wouldn't make us do everything by ourselves with nothing but a toothbrush."

"Ah ve," Sunny burbled.

"Even Sunny agreed," Violet translated.

Bree gave a longing sigh. She knew she had to put up a front to keep some positivity in the air but she was just as miserable as everyone else. "Do you guys remember those trolley rides we'd take to Briney Beach when you really young and you were miserably waiting to get off because you were dying to do something far more exciting than sitting?"

"Yeah. What about them?" Klaus asked.

"This is just like that," she told them. "This isn't where we're going. It's just what we happened to be riding to get to where we want to be. Once this ride ends we can be anywhere we want. We just have to be patient. This is just the wait."

"She's right," Max said. "We are just the passengers here. As soon as we're old enough we can get off this trolley and end up at somewhere so much better."

"I suppose that does makes sense," Klaus said.

"We can do anything we want to when we're older," Max told them a little more excited.

"In the meantime, we can make the best of what we've got," Bree said standing up and picking up Sunny. "Let's go over and see what we can find at Justice Strauss's."

"Alright," Max said. Everyone felt much better than they had been before. Smiling, the Baudelaire's set off to go see her. The air felt a lot lighter. As they exited, the air felt a lot lighter and the world brightened a bit.

Max knocked on her bright red door. She opened it with a gentle grace and said, "Baudelaires, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."

"Good afternoon Ms. Strauss," Bree said. " We would've come sooner but we've been cleaning."

"Yes, Count Olaf said you were very particular about that," she said. Max and Bree exchanged confused looks. "I hope you appreciate how much he's doing for you."

"I wouldn't say much," Violet said but not unkindly.

"Well, perhaps not compared to what you're used to," she said. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually, Justice Strauss, we really need your help," Klaus said.

"You do?" she asked excited to be assistance.

"We were wondering if we might use your library?" he asked.

"Why of course," she said excitedly, inviting them in. "Is there a particular book you have in mind?" she asked leading them through her house and out the back to an enclosed wooden pavilion.

"A cookbook, so we can make dinner," Violet answered.

"I suppose anything other than lamb," she said kind of sorrowfully quiet.

"Pardon?" Max asked.

"I said I suppose anything other than lamb," she repeated louder.

"Why would you say that?" he asked confused.

"Count Olaf told me you didn't like the lamb I brought over earlier today," she told them.

"We never had lamb," Bree told her. "Actually we haven't eaten anything since breakfast." Her stomach growled.

"I remember him coming in to check on us and he was eating a leg of something but that was about it. Other than telling us we missed a spot," Max piped in.

"Well that is peculiar," Justice Strauss said. She might have continued if they hadn't reached her outdoor library. "My private library is always open to you. It's mostly law books but there are sections on everything from the Italian cuisine to the earth's most deadly fungus." She sighed in admiration of her well stocked library. "I suppose it's not as nice as the libraries your used to but…"

"It's marvelous," Violet cut her off lightly

"It's wonderful," Klaus concurred.

"You really think so?" Justice Strauss asked.

"It's like a small piece of home," Bree said gently brushing her fingers over a certain book.

"Hey," Max said seeing the book that Bree was staring at. "No way, It's A Knight's Heart." He pulled the book out of the shelf. "I thought they stopped selling these."

"I don't remember that book being in the library," Violet said.

"Neither do I," Klaus agreed. "And I've read all the books in our library."

"That's cause it wasn't a library book," Max told them. They all looked at him quizzically. He laughed and told them, "I saved up every penny I had to get that book. I wanted to make sure that the first book Bree read was the best one there was."

"What are you talking about?" Violet asked. "Didn't she have books before she you met her?"

Bree looked down at the ground a little ashamed. "No actually," Max said. "Bree had never seen a book until she was nine years old. They didn't have any money for books where she was staying at before us."

Max stared down fondly at the book. "Mom said that if wanted to buy a book that I'd have to pay for it myself. I scrounged around for loose change, did extra chores, everything I could to get that money."

"You should have seen him the day he finally got that book," Bree said. "He came bursting through the door yelling, 'Bree! Bree! I did it! I did it! I got the book!' And I asked, 'What book?' and he said, "Yours, Your first book. It's the best one ever! And it's all yours!' He even had it inscribed. 'To Bree, May our knights always find their princesses. Love Max' It ended up being my absolute favorite book."

Max handed her the book and she gently traced the cover over and over again. "Can I borrow this book as well please?"

"Of course you can dear," she answered sweetly. "I will need it back on Thursday however, I have a book club meeting and I've been wanting to do that one and I just know they're going to pick it this time."

"That's plenty of time," Bree told her hugging the book closely to her chest.

"The cookbooks are over there in Section G, and right here is my favorite table for serious research," Justice Strauss gestured. "Do you have a paper and pencil to take notes?"

"Always," Klaus answered.

* * *

 **Let me know what you guys think. Your reviews keep this thing running.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Guys! I don't know why but I just got really inspired today and so I finally finished episode 1. Anyways, so sorry that I took so long to update this and I hope that you all enjoy.**

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Justice Strauss smiled happily at him and noticed the small object in Klaus's hand. "What's that?" she asked inquisitively.

"It's something my parents had," he told her.

"What is it?" she asked looking at the object a little more closely now that Klaus had held it up a bit more.

"I don't know," he answered her with his own hint of curiosity.

"Hmm," she pondered thoughtfully. "Something, Klaus Baudelaire, is ringing a very faint bell," she said as she strode up her ladder to get to one of the higher sections of books. "A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance. Don't you agree?"

"I do. Particularly if the library is tall and the surrounded area has been flooded," he pointed out.

"That's a very good point," she agreed.

"These books look promising," Violet said gently tracing over a certain section of books with her finger.

"Perfect," Max said looking at where Violet was at.

"Let me see what I can find here," the Justice said as she began combing through the books near her while Klaus, Bree, and Sunny gathered around the center table.

"I think I found something," Violet said. "Pasta puttanesca.

"I wonder what that means in Italian," Klaus pondered.

"All we have to do is sautee garlic and onions in a pot, and then add olives, capers, anchovies, diced parsley, and tomatoes to simmer,' Bree said looking over the recipe.

"We still need the pasta," Max said.

"I saw a pasta machine in Count Olaf's kitchen," Violet said. "Looked broken, but I think I can fix it."

"What do we have here?" the Justice asked herself quietly so only she could hear.

"Justice Strauss?" Max asked.

"Yes?" she asked abandoning her train of thought to focus on the Baudelaires.

"Is there a supermarket nearby?" Bree asked.

"Oh no," she answered. "But there is a local open-air market and gin distillery."

They all left to get a ride on the trolly to take them to their destination. "Thanks again for taking us," Violet said to Justice Strauss.

"Oh, you're quite welcome Baudelaires," she told them. "I think it's nice that you're cooking dinner for Count Olaf and your new theatrical family. I had dreams of becoming an actress, you know. An actress and a mother, instead of ending up as a world-renowned member of the judiciary and in a series of strained, platonic relationships," she told them gazing at nothing, thinking about what that would have been like. "Baudelaires? I always find cooking for family to be something of a mitzvah. Do you know what that means?"

"Commandment?" Klaus asked.

"Blessing," she answered. "You children have had such sorrow in your lives already. You deserve the blessing of a new family with Count Olaf and if you don't mind my saying so with me."

They all smiled at her happy to hear that. "We don't mind your saying so," Bree told her. Justice Strauss smiled back at them. They all believed that this would be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

They got all the food they needed quickly. With Max's smarts and gifts they were able to save as much money as possible for the time that would arise when needed. They happily said their goodbyes to Justice Strauss and made their way inside Count Olaf's mansion.

"Klaus, what's that thing James Brown said?" Violet asked him.

"I feel good," Count Olaf answered. They were all more surprised when an accordion started playing."And a one, and a two, and a Bawka bawka kah!"

Other strange people popped out from the second floor and began singing with him, "It's the count, it's the count It's the count It's the count, it's the count It's the count."

"Who else has such robust good looks In such a large amount? I'm handsome and I'm talented And love your bank account It's the count."

"It's the count It's the count, it's the count. It's the count, it's the count."

"The "C" is for courageous Just another word for brave. O! Oh, my God What a very handsome knave. U! Unbelievable good looks and brains and heart. N! For the knowledge 'cause I'm very, very smart. T! For the talent which is such a crucial factor when you're handsome and good-looking and the world's greatest actor!"

"It's the count, it's the count, it's the count. It's the count, it's the count, it's the count,"

"Who else has such robust good looks in such a large amount? I'm handsome and I'm talented and love your bank account!"

"It's the count, it's the count, it's the count. It's the count, it's the count, it's the count. It's the count!"

Bree didn't smile but still started clapping even while holding Sunny. The rest of the Baudelaires looked at her weirdly. "What? It's polite to applaud someone who's put work and effort into entertaining you in such a manner. Plus, It was catchy."

Max nodded his head a little but the others kept their gazes set.

"She is correct you know," Count Olaf stated. "Orphans these are my theater troupe," he said gesturing to the people who had been singing a little bit ago with him.

They all said hello. One was a bald man with hooks for hands but not like Captain Hook more like tongs. One very tall beefy man, what looked to be two very pale twin women, and the last one was what looked to be a man with hair that reached his shoulders.

"And as anyone in the theater knows, after a grand entrance, the audience is supposed to applaud," Count Olaf said.

"Applaud means go like this," the hook-handed man said as he clapped his alternative hands together.

"We're not an audience," Violet said.

"Actually, we are always an audience. Observing everything around us," Bree told them. " That's why when see something like that or someone do something extraordinary we clap for them. Congratulating them for a job well done."

"Exactly orphans," the Count agreed, spreading his arms flamboyantly. "And we have been preparing an exciting new production that, on opening night, will change your life. All of the artistic and financial aspects of my career are finally coming together like two pieces of a bread in the middle of a sandwich."

"Eaaayyy, le'ay," Sunny said.

"What my sister means is…" Violet started.

"I don't care what she means," he said exasperated. "I don't have time to learn a second language besides whatever it is I'm speaking right now."

They looked to each other slightly concerned.

"In any case, we demand the delicious meal that you promised myself and my troupe," he told them. Sunny mumbled something he couldn't understand. "You know, every time she talks, it's like the tines of a fork are being jammed into my…."

"What my sister means is, dinner will be served shortly," Klaus told him.

"What are we supposed to do until then?" Olaf asked annoyed.

"We could wait patiently," one of the henchmen offered.

"How about some wine, Olaf?" another said.

"Yes, yes, wine," a different one said.

"We had that nice rosay last time," One of the pale twins told them.

"It wasn't rosay, it was just watered down," the other twin commented.

Olaf gave a long dramatic sigh before finally saying, "Okay, fine. I'll open up a box of the Merlot."

An associate of mine named Brillat-Savarin famously said, "To invite people to dine with us is to make ourselves responsible for their well-being as long as they are under our roofs." But he was an 18th century philosopher and gourmand and these were three children with very little catering experience. Nevertheless, the Baudelaire orphans snapped into action.

"This pasta maker reminds me of the one built by Thomas Jefferson," Violet laughed a little bit.

Max joined her laughter and then asked, "Will it work?"

"It will now," she said proudly.

Klaus and Bree were working on the sauce together when Klaus said, "I wonder if Count Olaf's troupe will enjoy this meal."

"Your mother used to say, that actors will eat anything. I say we find out if she was right," Bree smiled lovingly at him. Klaus gave her a similar look. His face soon however turned sad and miserable. Bree got down on her knees and pulled him into strong, gentle hug.

He couldn't cry. He didn't know why. All he could do was shut his eyes tightly and hold onto his big sister who was still here for him. "I miss them," he told her quietly.

She slowly rubbed his back, comforting him as best she could. Though she didn't care about their parents the way that Klaus, Violet, Sunny or even Max did, she could imagine how he felt. It wasn't the same, but what more could she do? After all, she'd never even known her's.

"Why did they have to die?" he asked, his breathing had become hitched. "Why?"

"I don't know," she told him. "Klaus, Your mom and dad are looking down at you and Violet and Sunny, Max too, and you want to know what they want to tell you right now?"

"What?" he asked.

"Klaus, Our little boy," she started. "Son, We love you so much. We can't tell you how much we didn't want to leave you. Though we're not physically with you, we're here in the memories you have in us. And we won't go for a long time. Max and Bree are going to protect you. Have an adventure. Go and make memories of your own. Love and laugh and learn. We love you and we always will."

Klaus hugged her tighter to which she reciprocated. He was silent for a while thinking about all that she'd said. How much she was probably right. She always knew what to do. What to say. Then he told her, "I love you Bree."

She smiled and said, "I love you too Klaus."

While they waited for the pasta to boil, Violet and Max sauteed the garlic, and washed and chopped the anchovies. Klaus and Bree peeled the tomatoes and pitted the olives. While Sunny banged on a pot with a wooden spoon, singing a rather repetitive song she had written herself.  
By the time it was time for the youngest Baudelaire to chop the parsley with her teeth all five children felt less miserable than they had since they first came to Count Olaf's.

Max looked over to Violet and said, "I think Mom would be proud of how you made your own pasta, baby sis."

"Thanks Max," she said as she leaned into him. "Maybe we can make this our home after all."

"Remember what Father said when he burnt the quesadillas?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she told him."Better than nothing."

They stayed like this for a little bit before he kissed the top of her head and got everything ready to be served up.

They all took something or another and brought it to the eating area where everyone was sitting just as they heard Count Olaf yell,"When are we going to eat?!"

"Dinner is served," Violet said as they entered.

"Wow, that was quick," Olaf said surprised.

"And it smells delicious," one of the henchmen said.

Olaf groaned before continuing, "I mean, As I was saying, before the help interrupted there is no "I" in acting no selfish urges, no arrogance, no ego, no vanity, no dangerous overabundance of inflated self-regard.  
There is only what the French call a certain… escargot."

Now I could tell you every time the Baudelaires and Ms. Porter found themselves rolling their eyes or gave concerning looks to one another or even almost laughed but that would be very boring and very consistent so I implore you to just imagine for yourselves.

"Mmm-hmm," the bald man agreed.

"It is the first burst of applause when the curtain rises. The second burst of applause when the leading man glides out from the wings, faces his crowd and recites the…."

"Soliloquy?" the same henchman offered up.

Olaf sighed and continued, "I'm That's His soliloquy. It is the thrill of the 14th mandatory standing ovation. I give and I give to my public just as I give and I give to these orphans. But sometimes, and every actor does this, I ask myself, 'Is it worth it? Is it really worth it to chase an enormous fortune?'" he cleared his throat and looked down at his plate to find the pasta puttanesca. Annoyed he asked, "Where's the roast beef?"

"What?" Klaus asked."

"The roast beef," Olaf repeated harsher.

"We didn't make any roast beef," Violet told him with a hint of aggression in her voice. "We made puttanesca sauce and homemade pasta."

"What?" he asked angrily. "No roast beef?"

"You didn't tell us you wanted roast beef," Klaus said with the same tone.

"Look at my guests! They they can hardly touch this revolting foreign food," He told them. Everyone spat out their food or quickly finished what they had in their mouth. They clearly didn't want to in the slightest. "In agreeing to adopt you, I became your father. And as your father, I am not someone to be trifled with."

"You can't go easy on children," the hook-handed man told them. "They need to be taught to obey their elders."

"You asked them to make dinner," a twin started.

"And all they did was slap together some disgusting sauce," the other finished.

"That's what happens with wealthy kids," the guy with longer hair said. "Money is really a corrupting influence."

"I demand that you serve roast beef to myself and my guests!" Olaf slammed his fist down on the table.

"We don't have any," Max repeated, "we made pasta puttanesca."

Count Olaf took Sunny from Violet and held her way up in the air.

"Sunny!" Bree called. "Put her down."

"Alas, poor Sunny," he chuckled menacingly as Sunny began crying.

"Let her go!" Max yelled at him.

"Oh, oh," he said swaying her around before finally putting her down on the table and sliding her down to the other end. He laughed once more before saying, "This table is a mess. There's hardly a place to put down a baby."

"Sunny!" Violet called as she rushed to get her.

"We're leaving for rehearsals," Olaf told them.

"But the baby said there was chocolate pudding!" one of the henchmen complained.

"You children are to clean the table, and wash the dishes, and polish the silver, and rinse out all the wine bottles for recycling, and then you are to go straight to your beds," he said.

"You mean our bed?" Klaus asked angrily. "You've only provided us with one bed."

"If you want another bed, tomorrow you may go into town and purchase one," Olaf suggested.

"You know perfectly well we haven't any money," he told him.

" course you do," he stated. "You three lucky orphans are inheriting an enormous fortune."

"The money our parents left behind is not to be used until Violet…."

The sound of the slap echoed throughout the room. Everyone but Bree was frozen in shock at the actions that had transpired. Bree was on the ground in an instant, gathering up her little brother. Everyone stared at them. Bree turned to look up at Count Olaf. "You really are a despicable man."

"The theater awaits," Olaf said ushering his henchmen out of the room.

Bree closed her eyes tightly for a second and then focused all of her attention on Max, Violet, and Sunny. "Start taking care of the dishes and I'll join you in a little while," she told them.

Max moved Violet and Sunny to the kitchen to work on something that wasn't in the kitchen.

With that, Bree turned and looked at Klaus and gently asked, "Are you alright?"

"No," he told her honestly. It wasn't harsh it was just real.

"I'm so sorry," she told him.

He looked at her curiously, "Why? It's not your fault."

"I was supposed to protect you," she told him, "and I didn't."

Klaus held her tighter. "No one thought that was going to happen. You couldn't have possibly known."

She held him tighter too. At that minute, she knew that no matter what, her brother would always love her. No matter what. And the same went for him. He took him upstairs and did what she could about the bruise before tucking him in the bed. She joined Max downstairs who was washing a wine glass.

"Hey," he said as she entered the room. "How's Klaus?"

"He'll be okay," she told him before picking up a towel and began drying whatever Max handed her. "He's shaken but not traumatized. I put him in the bed. I set up some makeshift hammocks for Sunny and Violet. It's not much but it's better than before."

"That's good," he told her. They were silent for a while. Both falling into the rhythm of the other. At last the final dish was washed and dried. "So are _we_ doing anything tonight?"

"I don't know," she shook her head. "On one hand, we might find a bed in the junkyard but I don't know where one is and then we'd have to explain how it got there to Count Olaf and there's just so many things that come along with that."

"Hey," he said gently as he softly took her arm. "Tomorrow. Everything can be planned out tomorrow. For now, let's just get some sleep. Tomorrow is something that we can worry about when it gets here."

She nodded and gave one more hug that day. They both knew that today was not their last day. But what they didn't know was that their days ahead were filled with one horrible event after another. Toil and hardship around every corner. The Baudelaire and Porter orphans knew they had to find a way out of their dreadfully unfortunate circumstances, and, perhaps, solve the mystery of how they ended up in them.

I have the same dedication to researching and presenting this story no matter what dangers it puts me in. Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire.  
And when that happens all good, true and decent people know that it's time to volunteer.

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 **Let me know what you guys think. Reviews are my fuel. Merry Christmas guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I know I went dark again but so did my muse. I rewatched some of the old episodes and like lightning, it came back. I couldn't believe I had left this for so long. I had a review on my last chapter and wanted them to know that I listened to them. I hope that this chapter is more to all of your likings.**

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"Put some elbow grease into it!" Count Olaf yelled at Max and Bree while Klaus, Violet, and Sunny were weeding the… well, what Count Olaf considered a garden. To the eyes of everyone else, it looked like an overgrown pile of weeds with a dead thing here and there.

"Mr. Poe must have made a horrible mistake when he took us here," Violet said. "There's no way our parents would want us in Count Olaf's _care_ if we can even call it that."

"She's right," Max agreed. "I think we should have an escape plan."

"What are you suggesting?" Bree asked.

"Violet and I can go to the dump and see if we can get one of the cars working," Max answered. "With Violet's expertise and my knowledge of hot-wiring, we could have a getaway car in no time."

"I think that could work," Bree said.

"What do you say, Violet? You with me?" Max asked her.

"I'd give it a resounding yes," Violet agreed. "When will we begin?"

"I'll tell Olaf that you and I are going to look for jobs tomorrow, if we're lucky the dump may need some extra hands and if it goes well, we'll start tomorrow," he told her.

"Sounds good," Bree said. "I'll work with Klaus and Sunny, see if we can't get this guardian business figured out. Mr. Poe might be able to shed some light on why we were put with Count Olaf in the first place. With Klaus' knowledge on almost everything, he might be able to convince Mr. Poe that we should be elsewhere."

"I will do everything I can to get us out of Count Olaf's _care_ ," Klaus promised.

"I wish our parents' money could be used now, instead of when you and I come of age," Violet said.

"Then we could buy a castle and live in it with armed guards patrolling outside to keep out Count Olaf and his troupe," Klaus imagined.

"With a large inventing studio," Violet continued.

"And a library," Klaus added.

"A lovely piano in the living room," Bree dreamed.

"And a tree house in the backyard like the one we used to have," Max concluded.

"Hurry up, orphans!" Count Olaf yelled, breaking them from the spell of their dream. "There's reupholstering to be done."

"Justice Strauss said her home was always open to us," Violet said.

"She said her legal library was always open to us," Klaus corrected. "It's not the same thing."

"I think the Justice would be more than happy if we came over for more than her books," Bree said. "She seems like someone who enjoys good company."

Meanwhile, Count Olaf continued to watch the children until one of his henchmen came up to him. "Can I warm that up for you?" the bald henchman asked, pouring some more coffee into the Count's cup. "And also give you some very bad news?"

"What is it?" he asked slightly annoyed.

"It's that secretary," he started.

"Shh!" Count Olaf quieted him as the children looked to him. "Not here."

When the Count returned, Max and Violet approached him. "Count Olaf," Max began.

"Yes? What is it urchins?" he asked annoyed.

"Violet and I are done with our chores and were wondering if we could look for some jobs around town," Max continued.

"Why are you getting jobs? Wait, Why isn't the taller girl going with you instead?" Count questioned.

"I'm sure you wouldn't be opposed to a little more money in this house," Violet offered. "Plus, someone has to take care of Sunny and my brother does better when he's got some help."

If needed to Klaus was fully capable of taking care of Sunny but this mission required Violet and Max and they didn't want anyone left alone in the house with Olaf and his henchmen. Since Count Olaf was able to strike Klause so easily, who's to say he couldn't do it again just as easily.

"Fine, fine, But I get half of your earnings," he told them.

"Of course sir," Max said as he took his sister's hand, leading them out of the large house.

"Don't stay out too late," he warned them.

"Yes Count Olaf," Violet answered as Max shut the door behind them.

"Alright little sister, Let's find a scrap yard," Max said. "There's one on the corner of Freemount rd and Boulevard lane."

"How do you know that?" Violet asked.

"Your mom and Dad used to make me memorize maps when I was 10. I had a very hard time doing it when Bree was in the doorway holding up A Knight's Tale wanting me to read it to her. Eventually, your mom ended up disciplining Bree every time I got distracted by her."

"That doesn't sound like Mom," Violet said confused.

"Your mom was different before you were born," he told her. "She wasn't as fond of me then and she certainly wasn't fond of Bree when I brought her home. She seemed to get more comfortable around us when you were born. She never got all that comfortable with Bree. I think she felt threatened by her."

"Why?" Violet asked. "Bree's the best big sister ever."

"That's just it though," Max began to explain. "Dad was disappointed when he found out your mom couldn't have any children and when I found Bree and brought her home, it was even harder for her. It was like even I could give dad something she couldn't and I was 9. She never forgave me for that. Your mom wanted to find her a home that just wasn't with us and when Mrs. Porter heard about Bree she was ecstatic to take her in."

"I don't remember a Mrs. Porter," Violet commented.

"She died nine months before you were born," Max told her, "her will dictated that Bree would live with Dad and me until she was 18. It's why Bree got to stay with us when the house burned down."

"Wow," Violet said melancholily. "I never knew that about mom. She seems so mean whenever you talk about her."

"Your mom was just lost before you and your siblings were born," he told her. "When you came into this world she promised you that she would be the best mother she could possibly be. She knew she was going to have to change. For the most part, she was able to do exactly what she intended to do."

"I just can't imagine that she was like that ever," Violet said.

"Luckily you don't have to," he told her, giving her hand a squeeze. "Don't think about her in this way. Remember how she was with you and Klaus and Sunny."

"So I've been wondering this for a while now, why doesn't Bree know how to read?" Violet asked.

"I think that's another story for another time okay? I will tell you later I promise but we're here," he answered, showing her the scrap yard. "Alright. Let's see if we can't get a job here, yeah?"

"Yeah," Violet answered as she looked at an inventor's dream world.

* * *

About a half an hour later Bree, Klaus, and Sunny finally were on their way to see Mr. Poe. They were all sitting on the trolly waiting to hear the conductor call their stop.

"Hey Klaus, what's that sign say?" Bree asked.

"It says, Linear Market," he answered.

"Huh, I wonder why they'd name a market that? I mean I have a guess as to why but they could have named it anything but they chose Linear Market. Perplexing," Bree said.

"Bree, why is it that you can't read?" Klaus asked her.

"I, um," she stuttered. She never liked explaining the real reason she couldn't read because the story painted not only her but Klaus' family in a light she didn't want them to have to look at. She supposed she could give him one of the reasons but not the main reason she couldn't read. "I supposed it was because I never thought I would really need to. I loved it when your brother would read to me late at night. We would curl up by the couch in front of the fireplace and he would take me to far off places that I could only dream of. It made him magical to me. Your brother loved taking care of me any way he could. I'd get a cut on my knee, he'd get a band-aid and kiss it better. I'd have a nightmare, he'd give me his favorite teddy bear, Captain Littleton, and sleep on the floor next to me. If I wanted to go to far away place, He'd read me my favorite, over and over again. He did the same things when you, Violet, and Sunny came into this world. Although, you both quickly moved on from fairy tales into research faster than either of us expected. To be honest, He tried to read it to you but he couldn't make it past the first chapter of, 101 ways to make a toaster."

"Wow, Really?" Klaus questioned.

"Really," Bree answered. "Your brother was the best thing that ever happened to me. If it weren't for him, I don't know where I'd be right now."

"Max really is your hero isn't he?" he asked.

"You have no idea," she told him. "Hey have we passed Oak Lane yet?"

"No, why?" he asked.

"I know a shortcut from there to the bank," she said.

"How do you know that?" he asked her.

"Your mother and father used to make Max memorize maps all over the place," Bree began, "I was the one who quizzed him before his dad and your mom tested him. You pick up a thing or two when you go over everything into the very early hours of the morning."

"All off for Oak Lane," the conductor called out to the passengers.

Klaus rang the bell so the trolly would know people were getting off.

"Alright, Let's see what damage we can repair," she squeezed Klaus' hand before moving it back to support a sleeping Sunny she'd been carrying.

After another 10 minutes of walking, Bree, Klaus, and Sunny had finally reached Mr. Poe. "Mr. Poe, we must speak with you, it's an emergency," Klaus told him.

"An emergency?" he asked surprised. "Very well, but I'm quite busy. My old secretary, a distinguished professional who showed up without fail for many years, has vanished. I've hired an underemployed artist with no prior experience who needs the occasional day off for auditions and performances. Plus, I've already had to reschedule a haircut several times. What can I do for you?"

"Count Olaf is a madman," Klaus began. "We can't stay with him."

"He struck Klaus across the face. See his bruise?" Bree asked.

"Oh, excuse me," Mr. Poe said as he picked up a ringing telephone. "Poe here. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely not. Thank you." He finally put the phone down and turned to the children, "I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, Count Olaf. I'm sorry you don't have a good first impression of him."

"He slapped Klaus in the face," Bree reemphasized. "He provides us with no additional clothing, he has no money to even take care of us with."

"He only provided us with one bed," Klaus said. "

"He makes us do a great many unconventional chores that take a toll on us," Bree said.

"Excuse me," Mr. Poe said as he answered the ringing phone. "Poe here. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Anything but seven. You're welcome." he turned to the children again when he'd finally finished his phone call, "Children, everyone, at some time in their life, wishes they were being raised by people different than the ones who were raising you. When I was a little boy, I would have given my eyeteeth to be raised by an actor."

"He calls us orphans," Klaus said.

"You are orphans," Mr. Poe said.

"Dude, I have been bounced around so many times, I do not need the constant reminder and neither does everyone else," Bree told him.

"He has terrible friends," Klaus offered.

"I have terrible friends," Mr. Poe said.

"They look like they could kill us," Bree told him.

"One has hooks for hands," Sunny babbled.

"Speaking of not understanding a word someone is saying!" Mr. Poe coughed loudly and harshly. "Baudelaires, are you familiar with the term "in loco parentis"?"

"It sounds like Latin," Klaus said.

"Latin and legal. In loco parentis means acting in the role of a parent. It is a legal term and it applies to Count Olaf," he explained. "The actor is acting as your parent. And as your legal guardian, Count Olaf may raise you using any method he sees fit. So I'm sorry if your parents didn't make you do household chores, or if you like their friends more than you like Count Olaf's friends. But there are certain things you must get used to.  
Now, I'm sorry if I have to usher you out posthaste, but I've got work to do.  
posthaste means very, very…. "

"It means he'll do nothing to help us," Klaus said exasperatedly.

"Oh, on the contrary, I'll have my new secretary give you a ride home as soon as he's finished typing up that report," Mr. Poe told them.

Just then, the hook-handed man bumbled into the room with a typewriter firmly stuck on his hand, "I think we need to call the IT guy."

"That man works for Count Olaf," Klaus said.

"He did say Count Olaf was one of his professional contacts," Mr. Poe told them. "It was good seeing you, Baudelaires."

"Porter," Bree stated. "And we're not going back to Count Olaf's house! Look at Klaus' face!"

"Oh, no, no, no, orphans," he said pulling them close to him as he grabbed their shirts. "Look at mine."

Bree stared hard into the eyes of the man as did Klaus and Sunny but in the end, it did no good. "Well, If you are going to be driving us home, let's get that typewriter off your hand. I'd prefer knowing that I'm going to at least survive the trip back to my family." She pulled him to the desk and began untangling the ribbon and keys from his hands.

* * *

The drive back to Count Olaf's house was shorter than their trolley ride. Though Bree's gesture had been kind, it did not prevent them from being pushed around as they were forced to the parlor where Count Olaf was waiting for them.

"Shall I let them off the hook?" he asked Count Olaf. Bree gave a small laugh thinking he made a joke before Olaf gestured to let them go.

In any situation, a man sliding himself across a table to meet someone would be considered odd, but here it was downright creepy as he held out a plastic container holding vanilla cupcakes with raspberries on top. "I spent all morning making these cupcakes for you," he told him.

"Thank you," Klaus and Bree said simultaneously.

"There store-bought," Sunny babbled.

"Aren't raspberries delicious?" he asked. "They were my favorite berry when I was your age."

"But we're all different ages," Klaus said.

"A long time ago he used to be 11 and then 5 years later he was 16. He was once the age we are now and at that time his favorite berry was a raspberry," Bree told him. "But no, I like strawberries better."

"I want to talk to you about something," he said changing the subject. "I recently received a call from Mr. Poe."

"Is that so? I'm sorry Mr. Poe bothered you," Klaus said.

"I'm glad he did because I want you three children to feel more at home here," he told them. "Now that I am your father. As you know, I have been working hard with my theater troupe, and I'm afraid I may have acted a bit standoffish."

The word "standoffish" is a wonderful one, but it does not describe Count Olaf's behavior toward the children. "Standoffish" refers to a person who, for various reasons, is not associating with others. It is a word which might describe somebody who, during a party, might stand in a corner instead of talking to another person.

It would not describe somebody who provides one bed for five people to sleep in, forces them to do horrible chores and strikes them across the face.

Therefore There are many words for people like that to make you feel a little more at home here but "standoffish" isn't one of them.

"I want you to participate in my next play.

"Participate how?" Bree asked.

"I'm The play is called The Marvelous Marriage," Olaf started. "And it's by the great playwright Al Funcoot. We will give only one performance, this Friday night. It tells the story of a very handsome and good-looking man, played by me. You, Klaus, and Sunny will play three cheering people in the crowd."

"But we're shorter than most adults," Klaus told him. "Won't that look strange to the audience?"

"You'll be playing three midgets," he told him quickly.

"And what will Max and Violet do?" Bree prompted. "Build the sets?"

"Build the sets? Oh, heavens, no," he laughed like it was crazy.

"My sister is very good with tools and my brother is very adept with electronics and rigging, as he calls it," Klaus told him

"A pretty girl like her shouldn't be working backstage," he told them. "And that boy has enough charisma to play the villain of the incredibly handsome man, who will fall victim to the incredibly handsome man's sword. No doubt. And she will be playing the young woman I marry. It's a very important role although she'll only have one line, and I think you know what it is."

"I don't," Klaus told him.

"No, no, no. It's, I do," he corrected him.

"Wait so all the props on the stage will be fake right?" Bree asked him. "Because if Max really gets killed, you can't steal his fortune because it will all go into charity."

"What?" he asked now annoyed.

"It's true," she told him. "Max's Mother was a very giving type. If she couldn't give to her son, she would give to others as dictated in her will."

They swore he actually growled at the recent development that had come into the light. This probably set him back further than he planned but he would probably just figure something out on the fly.

"Count Olaf," Klaus inquired.

"What did you call me?" he asked him in the same tone.

"Father," Klaus corrected himself, hating how it sounded when it came off his tongue. "I'm not sure we're talented enough to perform professionally. We'd hate to disgrace your good name and the name of Al Funcoot."

"Plus, Max and Violet will be very busy the next few weeks working at their job," Bree added.

"And learning how to prepare roast beef," Klaus commented.

"You will participate in my theatrical performance!" he slammed his fist on the table. "I would prefer it if you participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe has explained to you, I can act loco parentheses."

"In loco parentis," Klaus corrected.

"Poco De Laurentiis," he poorly repeated.

"In loco parentis," Klaus said again.

"Pocar De Testes," he tried again.

"Dude, It is not that hard," Bree said shooting Klaus and Sunny a concerned look. "In loco parentis."

"The point is," he said, done trying and clearly done with them. "I can order you to participate, and you must obey. Now go talk to the woman in the wig. I can't stand looking at you anymore."

Bree, Klaus, and Sunny were happy to be leaving the depressing walls that constantly screamed, _Here, You shall die!_ They walked across the street and headed to Justice Strauss's house who, unlike Count Olaf, was not standoffish at all.

"You think he was trying to poison us with those raspberries?" Klaus asked his sisters.

"Count Olaf may be a bit… challenged but he's not stupid," Bree told him. "He doesn't know everything about the wills and so if he does something and it affects the fortune then it means all the work he's done was for nothing. Killing us might jeopardize it."

"What good would it do to be in a performance of The Marvelous Marriage?" Klaus asked.

Marriage is like sharing a root beer float or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it's happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love. I have never been married myself, however, I do dream of one day sitting with my husband on the porch swing talking about our kids and retelling every adventure we've had and the ones we have yet to go on. One day.

"Baudelaires! Ms. Porter! I'm so happy to see you," she told them. "Are you here to continue your research?"

"Actually, Justice Strauss, Klaus wanted to research something else.  
Do you have anything on local ordinances?" Bree asked.

"Ah, local ordinances," the Justice sighed and then realized what she said. "Wait, are you sure? Even I don't like reading such books, and I work at the High Court."

"I'm actually considering a career in law," he told her. "I find those books quite fascinating."

"Well, to each his own," she smiled. "There are countless types of books in this world, which makes good sense because there are countless types of people."

Bree was looking over the library as if it were different than the last time she saw it. Her eyes roamed over the books but not really landing on anything in particular. It was like she was just looking at them instead of for one.

"And what would you be looking for Ms. Bree?" she asked her kindly.

"Oh I'm afraid that I won't be able to help much," she told her. "Klaus has always been better with books than I am. I wouldn't even know where to start or try." It was a lame excuse but she really hadn't ever needed to make an excuse because everyone in the Baudelaire family knew she couldn't read but she didn't exactly want to tell the world that.

"Oh?" Justice Strauss asked. "Well, what kind of things do you like?"

"Um, I don't know. I guess I've always been one to make my own adventures than to read them," she told her. "Max and his siblings have always had big imaginations and it was very easy to have the most amazing adventures with them."

She nodded sort of understanding. She walked over to one of the bookshelves and pulled out a blue book with gold etching to display the title. Bree had no idea what it said but it looked as nice as it could without a picture. "What is it?" she asked.

"This," she started. "Is a book on how to write your own book. It explains how to make a story come alive on paper. This way you can have your adventures and share them with others."

"Thank you," Bree told her she held the book close and ran her fingers over the gold indents. "I promise I'll return this sooner than later."

"Take your time darling," she told her. "I suspect you could become a great writer if you set your mind to it."

Bree nodded her head and went over to sit by Klaus.

"Sunny, would you like to come with me into the garden while your siblings tackle all this reading?" she asked her picking her up. Sunny made it clear that the answer was yes. She smiled before noticing that something happened to Klaus's face. "Klaus, what's happened to your face?"

"We're trying to find out," he told her.

"Well, I do have a section on rashes," she offered. "It's right next to Chinese cars."

"Thank you," Bree said before the Justice left with Sunny.

"Why didn't you tell her you couldn't read?" Klaus asked. "I'm sure she could have helped you."

"Klaus, There are a lot of things I have questions about. Some that I will never get the answer to. I would rather not have to answer everyone's questions of why I can't do what a six-year-old can do," she told him. "I'm ashamed. I wish I had learned to read. Unfortunately, I didn't. The good thing is, I don't have to tell anyone else."

"Would you want to continue learning how to read?" he asked her.

"Maybe later," she told him. "Right now, we have to figure out what Count Olaf is up to. This play is definitely a factor, we just have to figure out how."

* * *

Meanwhile, Max and Violet were walking around in the scrap yard looking for the owner of the place. Towers of metal and scraps spiraled high into the sky from all over the place. Cars, refrigerators, tractors, every type of machine that had broken down over the years, all scattered about.

"I don't see anyone," Violet told him.

"Yeah me neither," he told her. "Well, If we can't find someone, then we should be free to use whatever we…."

Violet stopped abruptly when the hand she'd been holding all of a sudden stopped moving with her. She turned to find Max staring at a car. "Max? What is it?"

Max started walking towards the car. "I can't believe it," he told her. "It's really here. Dad's old 1956 red and brown Chevy." He opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat. "It's all still here, The wobbly rearview mirror, the grape stain on the back right seat, the crazy yellow seats, it's all here."

Violet hopped in the passenger seat and wrinkled her nose at the crazy mix match of smells, colors, and the general crazed mayhem of the back seats. "Dad really owned this thing?" she asked.

"Oh, this baby was dad's pride and joy," Max told her, gently stroking the dashboard. "Mom got this for him for his birthday when I was six years old. I remember it was the coolest thing either of us had ever seen. Everything looked exactly the same except there weren't any random parts in the back and it definitely smelled nicer. Dad used to take me and mom on these crazy trips to the middle of nowhere and somehow, and I still don't know how, we always managed to find some old drive in and we'd see the latest movie.

Then mom passed and dad met your mom. It wasn't the same. He tried to take her on trips like that but she never liked the uncertainty of it. He'd take me though, every Saturday night. I saw Bree for the very first time in this car. She came home for the first time in this car. She loved Saturday nights with me and dad.

Then three years later, your mom was pregnant with you. Dad knew that he'd have to leave this car behind and get a safer car for when the baby came. Bree and I begged dad not to sell it but he sat us down and explained to us that we may be losing a car we were going to be getting something even better, a little sister."

Violet stared at him with awe. This car meant so much to Max. It was amazing this car was still in the good condition that it was in and that they had even found it. "Can we fix it?" she asked him.

"I hope so," he told her. "Dad always kept the keys in the driver's visor." He pulled it down and they keys fell down on to his lap along with a folded piece of paper.

"What's that?" Violet asked him.

"I don't know," he told her flipping it over to find the name Bree written in his dad's handwriting. "That's strange. Why would my dad leave a note to Bree in our old car?"

"I don't know but maybe we can find out when we get home," Violet told him.

"You're right," he told her. "Let's see if this thing still works." He put the keys in the ignition and started the car up. It sputtered at first but then it became a good clear sound. They'd have to give it a tune up soon but right now, it would be a nice way to get home. "Alright," he looked to his baby sis. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **Please ley me know what you think by reviewing. Better? Worse? Let me know.**


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